Mary Walsh (Murphy) delivers boyfriend Kevin (Cain) to a hospital for routine outpatient surgery; when she returns to take him home, he has mysteriously vanished. An administrator (Rogers) can find no record of Kevin, and a police search turns up nothing. Increasingly frantic, Mary is taken to staff psychiatrist Dr. Bensley (Peter Bogdanovich), who pronounces her unstable. Now she must not only find her missing boyfriend, but prove her sanity as well.
When a stranger informs Mary that he knows Kevin’s whereabouts and demands a $10 million ransom, she has one hour to comply ... and her boyfriend’s life hangs in the balance. Forced to embezzle the money from the bank where she works, Mary soon discovers the shocking truth behind the disappearance. Now time is running out and she must take matters into her own hands to save herself !
Newly elected to Congress, former local television newsman Evan Baxter leaves his hometown of Buffalo, New York and shepherds his family to suburbannorthern Virginia, where his congressional campaign declares that he will change the world without explaining how he will do so. On his first day on the job, he meets Marty Stringer, Rita Daniels, and top congressman Chuck Long. Soon after his arrival, strange things start to happen: animals simply follow Evan without any apparent reason; he grows a beard that immediately reappears no matter how many times he shaves; eight vacant lots in Evan's neighborhood are purchased in his name; ancient tools and wood are sent to his house; and the number "614" appears everywhere he goes. Evan soon learns that his house number indicates a verse in the Book of Genesis, for which God instructs Evan to build a replica of Noah's Ark in preparation for a flood. Evan's family initially believes he is having an extraordinary mid-life crisis; later, his sons suspect something greater is occurring and assist him in the construction of the ark, although his wife Joan does not. Reappearing, God tells Evan the flood will come at midday on September 22.
Animals later follow Evan to Congress, and when he explains the reason for this, Long removes Evan's name from the Congress bill that he is cosponsoring with him. Joan, upon seeing a news report that features the Ark, takes her sons to the house decides to leave Evan because she believes he is insane. Evan then builds the Ark alone, gaining international notice. Some time after Joan leaves Evan, God appears to her as a waiter at a diner, wearing a name tag displaying "Al Mighty". In this guise, he tells her God does not give things, but only the opportunity by which to obtain things, citing togetherness of families as one of these things. Seeing his meaning, Joan returns to Evan to finish the Ark together. Meanwhile, word reaches Evan that Long has commissioned a dam and has cut corners in doing so.
On September 22, Evan loads hundreds of animals onto the newly finished ark in front of live news crews and nearby citizens. Minutes pass with no sign of rain, provoking the spectators' scorn. A large rainstorm does come, but is brief. Evan takes this as a sign of the coming flood, but is proven wrong. Joan tells Evan to leave the Ark; however, Evan remembers Long's dam, which he fears may burst. As he thinks on this, the dam does burst, flooding the streets. At this, all spectators and policemen board the ark, which sails down the streets of Washington, D.C. on the floodwaters of the lake until it eventually lands touching the front of the Capitol. Evan then tells Long that the flood was caused by his poor design of the dam, which incites the other congressmen present to turn against Long. As investigations on Long are occurring, Evan and his family later go on a hiking trip, during which God reappears to Evan, telling him that the way to change the world is by doing one Act of Random Kindness ("ARK") at a time.
The story concerns Devon Miles (Cannon), a teen who has just graduated from high school in New York City. Upon graduating, Devon heads to Atlanta, Georgia to attend Atlanta A&T University, a historically black college that takes enormous pride in its marching band. Devon was personally invited to attend on full scholarship by Dr. Lee (Jones), head of the band, for his prodigious talents. The A&T band separates itself from its competitors by requiring all members to read music, by focusing on various styles of music rather than what music is currently popular on the radio, and by dedication to the teamwork emphasized "one band, one sound" concept. The band has a preseason that is similar to an athletic team's induction in that it is very physically and mentally difficult. It challenges all recruits to push themselves past what they previously thought were their limits. At the end of preseason, the musicians audition for spots on the field, and Devon is the only freshman to make P1, the highest level player. While going through his rigorous process, Devon also finds time to romance an upperclassman dancer, Laila (Saldana).
College life starts well for Devon, as he has the girl and a spot on the field. Things begin to sour when Sean (Roberts), Devon's percussion leader, begins to grow weary of Devon's cocky attitude. Sean later challenges Devon to take a solo in his first game, believing the freshman will panic and be embarrassed in front of everyone. Sean is shocked when Devon takes the solo and is subsequently humiliated. This sets up some tension in the drumline which is exacerbated when Dr. Lee is told by President Wagner (Afemo Omilami), the school's president, to change his focus from music to entertainment or lose his funding. Lee does not want to give Devon more playing time because he feels Devon's attitude and respect are lacking. The situation further deteriorates when it is revealed that Devon cannot read music. Devon is demoted to P4 by Dr. Lee until he learns, then later put back on P1 when Wagner pressures Dr. Lee to do so. However, after inflaming a melee with a visiting band at A&T's homecoming game after Devon plays on a opposing band member's drum (a serious insult in drumline mythos), Devon is finally kicked out of the band by Dr. Lee. The fight also harms his relationship with Laila as she is embarrassed to introduce him to her parents, who attended the game.
Devon contacts A&T's rival school Morris Brown College, to discuss playing for their band next season. Mr. Wade (J. Anthony Brown), Brown's band leader, says that Devon does not need to know how to read music and will likely get a full scholarship and a good position on the drumline. When Wade wants to know what Dr. Lee is planning for the BET Big Southern Classic (a large competition of college bands), Devon realizes that his heart and honor are still with the A&T band. He rejects the scholarship offer from the rival band and returns to A&T.
Though Devon is still not playing for the band, he cannot give up his drumming. He is sent cassette tapes from his estranged father and gets some ideas for new drum arrangements. He and Sean have a final confrontation that clears the air and they begin to work together. The two present their idea for an entrance cadence to Dr. Lee who decides they will be used during the Classic. Devon helps the drumline prepare and patches up his relationship with Laila.
At the Classic, the bands are shown performing a mixture of popular songs. Morris Brown's band even gets rapper Petey Pablo to perform during their routine. A&T is not fazed by this and performs their mix of retro and current sounds. A tie results and the Morris Brown and A&T drumlines face off. Dr. Lee tells Devon he can play for this face-off, showing his faith in Devon's improved character and in thanks for all the hard work he has done in getting the band ready for the Classic. Morris Brown goes first and A&T responds. Morris Brown's second cadence includes their snares moving forward and playing on the A&T drums (the same move that incited the fight at A&T's homecoming game), then throwing down their sticks. The A&T line manages to hold their composure in the face of the insult. They play their cadence and in the middle throw down their sticks, mimicking the Morris Brown actions, but then the entire line pulls out another set of sticks and continues playing. They end their routine in the faces of the Morris Brown drumline, but instead of playing on their drums, the line all drop their sticks onto the other drumline's drums. The judges award the win to A&T.
At the World Winter Sport Games, rival men's singles skaters Chazz Michael Michaels, a skillful skater but raunchy sex addict, and Jimmy MacElroy, a talented, effeminate skater, tie for gold. An argument ensues, which develops into a fight on the awards podium. As a result they are stripped of their medals and banned from men's singles competition. Jimmy's competitive adoptive father, billionaire Darren MacElroy, immediately disowns him and leaves him stranded on the side of the road.
Three and a half years later, Jimmy is working at a winter sporting goods store and gets demoted to sorting stock after he refuses to listen to a child when she tells him her skating boot has been tied too tightly. Chazz has gained a lot of weight and is fired from a children’s skating show for being in a drunken stupor on stage. Jimmy's stalker, Hector (Nick Swardson), tells him of a loophole in the ban allowing him to compete in pair skating. Jimmy contacts his old coach, Robert, but is unable to find a partner. Jimmy's search for a partner leads him to Chazz, and Robert convinces the two to skate as a same-sex pairs team, because the regulations fail to state the genders of the pairs.
The reigning U.S. national pairs champions, brother and sister Stranz (Will Arnett) and Fairchild (Amy Poehler) van Waldenberg, see the new pair as a threat and conspire against them. The pair convince their sister Katie (Jenna Fischer), whom they often take advantage of by reminding her that their parents died taking Katie to skating practice, to spy on the duo. In the process, Katie becomes acquainted with Jimmy and they develop a relationship. Although Chazz and Jimmy are initially disgusted by each other, they eventually develop a friendship. They compete at the United States Figure Skating Championships and earn a chance to compete at the World Wintersport Games.
Chazz and Jimmy’s coach informs them that to win, they will need to perform a technique that has never been performed successfully: The "Iron Lotus", an extremely complicated maneuver that Robert developed years ago. However, it is also dangerous: the only attempt of the maneuver was in North Korea[2] and resulted in the man decapitating the woman with his skate blade. Nonetheless, they decide to attempt it as Robert is convinced that two males would be better suited for the move – this is a parody of skating-themed film The Cutting Edge, where the conflicting main characters also decide to practice a dangerous skating routine. Fairchild commands Katie to disrupt the duo by having sex with Chazz, threatening to harm Jimmy if Katie does not comply. Katie invites Chazz to her room, and tries to seduce him. Chazz refuses, but cannot resist grabbing her breasts. Jimmy witnesses this and is outraged at Chazz's and Katie's betrayals.
The next day, Chazz and Jimmy are both kidnapped and restrained by Stranz and Fairchild. Katie gets tired of her siblings and accepts that their parents weren't properly safe while driving. While handcuffing Jimmy in a bathroom, Fairchild reveals that she and Stranz commanded Katie to have sex with Chazz yet she could not go through with it, due to her love for Jimmy. Chazz escapes but is pursued by Stranz through Montreal on ice and then through streets and stores. He tries to shoot Chazz with a crossbow, but accidentally hits the Winter Sport Games Mascot, Snowflake[3] Jimmy also escapes when a kid in the bathroom knocked down the bin which contains the key for the handcuff, though he had to use his tongue to drag the dirty toilet paper, as the key was on it.
Stranz and Fairchild perform their routine, a dramatization of the "Forbidden Romance" of John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe. Both Chazz and Jimmy arrive in the ice rink just in time to compete. Chazz and Jimmy reconcile quickly and begin their routine, which has a science fiction theme. Fairchild, seeing the two doing well, throws pearls onto the ice. Chazz trips over a pearl and breaks his ankle, which renders him unable to perform his role in the Iron Lotus. Jimmy then offers to switch places with him. Although they have never practiced the other's roles, they perform it perfectly. Jimmy and Chazz win the competition, Jimmy reconciles with Katie, and Stranz and Fairchild are arrested due to the kidnappings and Snowflake‘s shooting. Stranz and Fairchild begin arguing, then inexplicably kiss each other incestuously (the inside joke, of course, is that the actors Will Arnett and Amy Poehler are real-life husband and wife). Jimmy and Chazz receive the gold medal and fly off into the sky through rockets on their skates. While the credits roll, Hector is seen playing with dolls of himself, Jimmy and Chazz.
Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves to Sporks to live with her clueless father, Frank, after her mother starts an affair with Tiger Woods. She is quickly befriended by many students at her new high school, but she is intrigued by the mysterious and aloof Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), who perplexes her during their time in biology. Later, Becca is nearly struck by a van in the school parking lot. Edward inexplicably moves from several feet away and stops the vehicle with a student without any harm to himself or Becca. He later refuses to explain this act to Becca and warns her against befriending him. After much research, Becca eventually learns that Edward is a vampire, though he only consumes animal blood. The pair fall in love and Edward introduces Becca to his vampire family. While unwrapping a gift, Becca gets a paper cut, causing Edward's family to relapse by her blood's scent and attempt to kill her. Realizing the danger that he and his family pose to Becca, Edward ends their relationship while saving her from the one of the three nomadic vampires who have been killing humans, Jack, knocking his head off with a baseball bat.
Edward's departure leaves Becca heartbroken and depressed for months as she discovers that thrill-seeking activities evoke Edward's preserved image. She is also comforted by her deepening friendship with Jacob White, a cheerful companion who eases her pain over losing Edward. But due to his strange puberty, Becca discovers he has become a werewolf as his pack arrive to maul another of the nomadic vampires. Through a series of miscommunications, Edward believes Becca has killed herself and attempts to provoke the Zolturi — a powerful vampire coven capable of killing him — by exposing himself in the sunlight at the site of the school prom. Becca rushes to save Edward, slowed down during the warring factions of Edward fangirls and Jacob fangirls and thus barely able to stop him. However after a fight between him and the Zolturi leader, Daro (Ken Jeong), Edward is forced to make Becca into a vampire. He does so after Becca agrees to marry him if he makes her a vampire. The movie concludes with Edward taking a blow to the head by the head Jacob fangirl, who ends up becoming the vampirized Becca's first meal.
